It is a little known and invisible issue but a great deal of relationships
break up because of problems with lovemaking.
A lot of people would never admit it. They will give other reasons
- lack of communication, emotional violence, "the spark has
gone out", parting on different priorities, not growing in
the same direction, etc.
Most people would not consider unsatisfactory lovemaking as a good
reason to break up with an otherwise suitable partner. They may
not even realise it themselves, and would convince themselves that
unsatisfactory sex can be acceptable if everything else is going
But everything else often doesn't go ok - and the truth is that
a lot of the time the roots are in lovemaking.
It's the perfectly normal sexual practice that can be draining
It's not that one day someone decided that they want better sex
and they will look for someone else. Lovemaking might have been
quite normal - people start the foreplay routine in all the usual
places, then penetration, vigorous building of tension in the genitals
and an orgasm. It might be either the man or the woman who initiates
this kind of making love.
It's just that what normally people do when making love stays on
such a superficial level that it doesn't nourish their relationship
enough and even depletes their connection with each other, and the
Tantric wisdom sheds some light onto why.
In this kind of mechanised procedure your sexual energy does not
expand enough to become a nourishing field of satisfaction for your
whole being, and it doesn't create love between partners. The sexual
energy was just locked in the genitals and did not feed the lovers.
Even if there is an orgasm it is just a release of built-up nerve
tension, not a wave of nourishment that brings emotional fulfilment
of coming alive with love and radiating it into the relationship.
The genitals got a rub, with a satisfying spark of pleasure at the
end, but the lovemaking did not leave a trace of lasting love. It
may not be as visible in the beginning of the relationship while
things are fresh, but as the novelty wears off so does the nurturing
side of making love.
In addition, it is very rare that this kind of sex sexually awakens
the woman completely, even if her genitals got a good rub. She needs
a lot more than this to come truly alive, so the lovemaking is only
half-happened for her. Many times, not being awakened truly means
she has experienced physical discomfort and emotional disconnection,
and that will create a subconscious tension instead of satisfaction.
The man, on the other hand, always loses a lot of his own vitality
with the ejaculated semen in this kind of sex. Had he done it differently,
ejaculation could happen after he has charged up himself and his
woman before losing the remaining energy, but this way he is simply
drained. He carries this underlying rejection of her as a cause
of his tiredness and low moods, without even realising it, becoming
even further from love.
Couples come out of this kind of sex cheated. Instinctively they
feel that it is supposed to bring them closer together and the low
return on it creates subconscious frustration. They believe they
are doing everything right and they got everything they wanted but
deep in their hearts there is a lack of fulfilment.
The underlying build up of tension in the relationship
When this goes on in their lives, the overall relationship lacks
a vital source of energy. That energetic circuit that charges them
up, that well from which they can drink to replenish their love
remains closed, all they are getting is a quick fix of nerve stimulation.
They can be great friends and share interests but this deep bond
of man and woman that keeps them together as a loving couple is
simply not nourished, nothing flows through it. Their bodies are
not telling each other "I love you". No amount of shared
interests can hide the fact that when they make love they don't
feel a song in their hearts.
There is a background of sexual distance, unfulfilled dreams, frustration
that stays deep in the subconscious but affects their communication.
It is like being ill and depleted of vitality. A lucky couple finds
a way to compensate for this lack with other means, despite this
background noise of tensions. Most accept this imperfect and fuzzy
connection between them and stay together despite the struggle.
For others, conflicts may become more frequent, distance may grow,
the things that are shared stay superficial and are not fed by the
underlying current of love. It is like a flower that doesn't get
This lack of influx of fresh love energy through lovemaking and
the background tensions that mediocre sex creates may erode their
relationship and become the soil where all those other problems
can grow easier, because sexual energy is not just for making love
- it is meant to irrigate the whole relationship, in all its aspects,
and all of those aspects are now drying out. Many times this puts
in action a chain of events that leads to a final separation.
Sex will be either nourishing or destructive, it will not be irrelevant
Had both of them known how to connect deeper in lovemaking to let
those energies nourish them, not only would they strengthen their
bond and create more love that flows through all aspects of their
relationship, making it all flourish, those energies would also
help to clear out many of the smaller problems before they grow
into bigger ones. A couple in love can forgive each other a lot,
and sex is the best way to create that love.
Unfortunately, making love is not just something you do for fun
and something that doesn't matter when you don't feel like having
fun. It is a life force of a relationship. If it is there it makes
everything grow stronger, if it isn't - everything grows weaker.
And the sex that people normally gives little more than no sex
at all from this perspective. It just doesn't create that kind of
connection and deep flow of goodness.
It is easily preventable before it gets to the point of no return
It is not about getting orgasms. It is about opening yourself to
create more pleasure, love and sexual vitality in a way that will
nourish you as a couple - and this is at the moment a very esoteric
knowledge that most sex manuals don't even approach. Many people
actually come across this kind of lovemakign intuitively and spontaneously
- and you may have too - but most often this isn't sustained further
in the relationship. It needs conscious learning.
The tragic thing is that the man and the woman were not incompatible,
just unaware, and now a relationship that stood a decent chance
has withered away. The good news at the same time is that they were
not incompatible, just unaware, and with a little bit of willingness,
self-education and learning from the right places this source could
be opened by any couple.
Let me help you...
...to teach yourself to create that connection with your partner.
Maybe you have a partner now, maybe you lost a relationship in the
past, maybe you are looking to make it right now or in future. Understand
yourself, how this flow can be opened in yourself - then convey
it to him.