Are Orgasms Important For Women?

tantric sex and female sexuality articles

I won’t tell you what to think.
But ask yourself some questions to explore.

Whenever I ask ‘How is sex for you?’ I always get a response in the currency of orgasms.

“I can come easily”
“I never come in sex but I can orgasm on my own”
‘I can have an orgasm from oral sex but not in penetration”
etc

Yes, but how is sex for you?

I didn’t ask about orgasms. I asked about the whole rich world of sex – your full bodies, your connection, your intimacy, your variety, your tranquil sex, or tender sex, or passion sex, or nurturing sex, what you feel in your heart and your soul during and after. And everything else.

Is this all sex has been reduced to? How often you can discharge that nerve and how easily?

Has this become synonymous with sex?

Do you just feel that you are expected to respond in terms of orgasms?

Or have a think – what is sex for you? Is it the release of the genial tension? Is this your heart’s desire?

Everywhere you look as a woman all the media, all the science, all the experts talk to you in terms of what is best for the orgasms, how to get them better, how to have sex to improve orgasms.

Everyone is supposed to aim for great orgasms. Learn and work towards them.

And everyone does.

But have you ever asked yourself – why?

Why are the orgasms the criterion for good sex?

Who has decided that this is how you measure good sex?

Do you have to accept their way of measuring it?

If you are so convinced that orgasms is what makes great sex – can you answer why?

Let’s say you work out a way to stimulate yourself so that every time you have sex you release your genital tension with an orgasm.

What will change in your life?

What will change in your relationship?

That one moment of intensity will do exactly what?

Bring more love, more happiness, more good energy into your whole life and your relationship?

Are you sure?

What if every moment of sex brought love, happiness, good energy?

What if you focused on that instead of working hard under pressure, rubbing and stimulating until you get only that one moment. And that one moment is now supposed to bring you all the love, happiness and good energy that you missed out on in every moment of sex because you were working hard stimulating?

What if you actually focused on getting the most out of every moment you would get a lot more out of sex than from the most intense orgasm?

What else?

You feel amazing love or connection during an orgasm?

Are you sure?

Could it be a hit of drug that you mistake for love? And just pure relief that the work is over? And for a second you get to float without having to work hard and this feels amazing?

What if every moment of sex felt loving, and you felt connection in every moment? What if in every moment you could float in elation? What if there were a 1000 moments instead of just one?

And you didn’t have to put your body through such extreme physiology just to get that one moment of ‘love’ and ‘connection’? Don’t you think something is not right here?

You think the orgasm gives you amazing energies?

How much can one moment give? How much can 1000 moments give? – If every moment of sex nourishes you.

You think the orgasms are the best of sex?

Are you sure?

Have you seem everything there is to see in sex?
Have you had a chance to, while every time you had to worry and focus on orgasms and stimulate with hard work?

Could it be that you haven’t seen the rest of what sex can be when you fully connect and feel each moment deeply? The amazing places that you can go like this?

Maybe the orgasm feels so great because everything else is just work to get it?

Maybe you would then see that the orgasm is ok, it’s nice, but there are many things that are at least just as nice if not more?

What does an orgasm give you?

Maybe it’s just something to cover up that you are not getting much in the rest of sex?

Maybe you will not fix this by getting more orgasms?

Maybe it’s the rest of sex that needs improvement?

‘Because it gives a release’

Why is sex a release?

How is a release valuable in any way?

Do you have so much good energy, beauty, love, happiness inside you that you just need to release it all?

You really need to become empty of it all?

Because this is what you try to achieve every time in sex – empty yourself of what you feel.

How about filling up instead of releasing?

Good energy, beauty, love, happiness – keeping it without releasing it?

Do you think this will make your life better than ending sex emptied?

Do you think this may even sustain your relationship better than emptying all the sex energy between you?

Do you think emptying yourself of sexual energy every time you have sex may have something to do with losing attraction?

Or do you need a release because your body is treated in such a way that all you feel is irritation and tension?

Or are you yourself used to treating your body in this way?

Or maybe you stress about orgasms because men expect them from you?

And not just men but the whole world, culture and media implies that you are dysfunctional and your life is sad and poor if you are not orgasming all the time?

They have defined you as a woman by a genital release. They have defined the richness of female sexuality and sensuality by how easy it is for you to achieve the reflex in the genitals.

You are more than that – and you want to be more.

Maybe appeasing them all is not the way to be happy?
Especially if their vision of you is not so inspiring.

Maybe it’s time for you to decide what is right for you, who you are and what makes you happy?

Don’t just say you want to improve your orgasms, or how easy they are, or how frequent they are.

Ask yourself what do you actually want out of sex. What do you want sex to bring you, how do you want to feel during sex and after. What do you want sex to bring into your life and into your relationship.

You may well see that you don’t need the orgasm for that.

In fact, you may see that the release of the genital nerve and one moment of intensity may well have no power to bring you any of that.

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