ARTICLES ON FEMALE SEXUALITY
The reason that women are so often unfulfilled in sex is because they are convinced by the media to look for what has no power to make them feel fulfilled.
You may think you know what you want out of sex – but are you sure this is your true heart’s desire? Are you looking in the right place?
Some people think that it’s just teenagers who need to learn, and adults are already informed enough. Or that there may be more things to discover but it isn’t something you go to a professional for – that is for people who are a failure. Just this one thought may condemn you to a lifetime of very average humping. Sex education is not for problematic relationships or for teenagers – it turns out to be needed by everyone.
Leave for a second WHAT you know about sex and ask yourself – HOW do you know it? Are you sure your own experience has shown you all the possible realities? Are you sure the other sources of your learning told you the truth, unbiased and complete? How do THEY know, what is their way to that knowledge?
Are you waiting for the next Casanova who will know exactly how to do everything right for you? Or have you submitted to the fact that good sex simply won’t come from the man you have settled with? Maybe you are expecting too much from men. It is obviously the woman who is best equipped to lead the way to good love-making. Make your own happiness happen.
Are you trying to follow advice that ‘you need to separate love from sex’? Actually, this is the reason you might not be happy with your sexual potential – it will never come even half way like this. What we need is to learn how to have more love when we make love, because we don’t – even when we think we are being loving. Love doesn’t hurt us – it is our definition of love in sex that hurts us.
Many couples break up without realising that the true cause of the disconnection was originally in physical intimacy, before it grew into other things. Sex is not optional – it connects or it distances. And most of what we see as a normal love life in fact doesn’t help us stay together.
We assume that all physical love is destined to fade in the relationship, it is just the natural course of things. This assumption is why it does. Our attempts to salvage a withering sex life don’t work because our ideas are all based on novelty excitement and we miss the transition to a connecting lovemaking. Our sexual connection can actually grow with time, not dwindle, if we learn the right practices.
Have you ever asked your self what you have sex for? What is it that you want to find there, to give you? Maybe what you habitually do in sex just doesn’t get you closer to that vision? Here is the Tantric vision of lovemaking – could it be something that would make you happy?
For many people, passion is the sexual ideal. Believing this thought they actually create a sex life that is poor in feeding you as a couple and is destined to fade away. By chasing passionate sex you never discover and develop other, more important, kinds of sex. Passionate sex is not the true answer.
Women are often afraid to create an emotional connection with a man in sex. They rely on reassurance of their fears. However, can this reassurance ever be given? Would it be more useful to learn how to deal with your fears – and with the things that can happen? How can you do that?
Women can reach a climax by concentrating on physical stimulation of the clitoris. Although this is the common advice for a woman, this is not the road to your true greater orgasmicity. Don’t expect anything extraordinary or easy about these forced reflex responses.
Why does sex science fail to show women the way to the ‘great earth-shattering’? They are looking in the wrong place and confuse you with this pseudo-knowledge. Women can have wonderful expansive orgasmic experiences but are you looking in the right place and are you investing patiently?
You may think the only way to avoid frustration is to achieve a climax. Not true. Frustration happens because you are not channeling your sexual energies right. Anyone – including men – can have a wonderful frustration-free sex without needing an orgasm if you know what to do.
Do you pressure yourself to reach a climax? Do you feel like a failure if you can’t get there every time he tries to give it to you? It may be about his problems, not yours. Don’t sacrifice your own comfort to someone else’s insecurities.
It may seem like a perfect solution and a god-send for women, but in fact a vibrator is similar to recreational use of drugs – in search for instant momentary gratification you pollute your sexual being with patterns that will make it harder for you to feel happy with a partner in real intimacy.
There is actually a good reason why religions have always been afraid of sexual expression – but their methods only make the problems worse. Tantra took a different route to sexuality and showed why sex can be one of the most spiritual experiences a human being can have.
Many people feel restricted in intimacy by the unconscious burden of religious upbringing. Is it just a trauma from the early years that we need to heal? Or maybe we instinctively feel that our practices in lovemaking make is into something we don’t want to be? Maybe the road to freedom is to change what we do, not to look for therapies?
Some background to where Tantric sexual knowledge has come from and what it is today.
Tantric ideas on sexuality are often combined with the knowledge of another great culture that offers us insights into sexual wellbeing – Taoism.