Sex therapy and treatment for the contraction of the vagina in sex - vaginismus, in London

For women who experience the contraction of the vagina at penetration, called vaginismus, it can be useful to work directly with the body on this sex problem, which I provide for clients in my practice Tantric Therapy London. Using a Tantric massage is a very effective route – as it rewires the natural response of your body.

Vaginismus is when you can’t accomplish penetration because the vagina stops it / blocks it.

Vaginismus is not the same as having a narrow vagina – that is a permanent physical feature.

Vaginismus is when the vagina contracts at penetration, it is a spasm. It means your vagina is physically able to accept the penis without discomfort, but nervously contracts at penetration to not allow it and block it.

As a result you can’t penetrate, and the attempts to do that can cause pain.

The cause of vaginismus is generally some form of anxiety you have about sex and penetration in particular.

Some of my clients grew up in an environment critical of sex, or scared of sex for one reason or another. This can manifest in the contraction of the vagina at penetration – vaginismus.

Some of my clients had painful sex the first few times, which is fairly common, and this causes the vagina to adopt a protective mechanism contracting before penetration – vaginismus.

Some clients had a sexual trauma. It could be an intense event, such as a sexual assault, or a gradual negative influence, such as a difficult sexual relationship. The anxiety that they picked up about sex manifested in the contraction of the vagina at penetration – vaginismus.

Sometimes you can’t pinpoint a clear reason why your vagina contracts at penetration, and you can’t find anything in your history that causes it. As with any anxiety, it can self-perpetuate. It can happen accidentally for no reason once or twice and when that concerns you, you feel more tense and anxious about it happening it again – finding yourself in the cycle of this pattern. In a way you are anxious mainly about feeling anxiety itself, and this is enough for your vagina to get tense and contract at penetration, causing consistent vaginismus.

Vaginismus is very difficult to resolve without working with the body directly. It is an involuntary reaction in the body and you would struggle to control it consciously.

Even if you process feelings through psychotherapy it often doesn’t reach the involuntary memory and reaction that the body holds. And it doesn’t necessarily prepare you for how you need to feel just before the penetration in real sex.

No matter how hard you try to control this response your vagina can contract instinctively and this can be frustrating.

It is important to realise this and not be too hard on yourself. You can’t control it, it is not your failure.

What you need is to condition your body responses directly, and to learn to bring your mind and body into a relaxed and open state to accept the penetration positively.

This is why Tantric massage is such a powerful to help with vaginismus. We work with your body to teach it that protection is not needed, and that your body fully welcomes this sexual connection. We change that involuntary instinctive reaction from negative to positive.

We can work on vaginismus in two ways:

Through a tantric massage appointment

Through a consultation appointment

(if tantric massage is out of your comfort zone)

Please call me to discuss your particular issue. There are variations, and I can give you a more specific explanation of your difficulties, and a more specific solution that will work best for you.

How Tantric massage can work with vaginismus

Creating a positive space within the vagina with mental and emotional techniques to avoid vaginismus

I don’t believe in treating vaginismus by using physical dilators to ‘condition’ your vagina. They are just a physical item that you can get used to but they don’t deal with your anxiety of penetration with a man in real sex.

In my Yoni massage, which is the part of Tantric massage focused on the vagina, I teach special Tantric techniques to you. They are mental and emotional techniques to create a relaxation in your vagina and a positive anticipation of the connection within the vagina.

By using these techniques you get to the core of the issue – you create a positive and relaxed space inside that actually wants to connect. This counteracts your anxiety and creates openness.

Teaching you how the vagina needs to be approached physically to avoid vaginismus

Too often the penetration technique in sex is too aggressive on the vagina, and contributes to that protective contraction – the vaginismus.

In the Yoni massage I will show you how the vagina really needs to be approached – carefully, gradually, with physical gentleness, to avoid vaginismus.

You will see how much difference that makes and you will be able to recreate this in real sex at home.

Learning relaxed arousal to create relaxation in penetration, to avoid vaginismus

The way you get aroused is also very important for vaginismus.

Arousal is very important to treat vaginismus. The vagina gets aroused from your whole body arousal, not directly. If you can fully awaken your sexual energy profoundly, this will create a much more open and receptive place in your vagina.

Most people learn arousal as something passionate, intense, very active and tense in your emotion and body.

This tension then manifests in your vagina and can bring on contraction at penetration – vaginismus.

You need to learn how to get aroused in a more relaxed way. Your body gradually awakens and softens from loving and nurturing contact. You feel sexually alive but calm and soft.

Then this is how your vagina will feel too and it will be less likely to contract at penetration causing vaginismus.

The Tantric massage shows you this process and this sequence, awakening your whole body gradually with loving and nurturing touch, in relaxation. You can then recreate the same pattern at home.

Reconditioning your body to the positive response.

Your body has a response of anxiety and protection when it comes to sex in general and to penetration in particular, and this is why the vagina contracts in penetration – as a form of protection. Something feels like a threat, whether physical or only emotional.

Through the Tantric massage your body learns that sexual touch is nurturing, loving and positive. It is a very different experience to wha you might have had before that scared you.

Your body learns that it is ok, it can open and trust.

Your body loses the protective response, your vagina stops instinctively contracting in penetration and your body starts responding positively to sexual contact – accepting it with softness, relaxation and willingness.

More information on Tantric massage:

To understand more read full info on Tantric massage therapy and how it works.

In particular this problem is addressed with Yoni massage for vaginismus.

Tantric massage may seem like a very unusual way to treat your vaginismus, maybe even out of your comfort zone.

But if you think logically, it is the most effective.

Especially if you already feel some anxiety about sex that manifests in the vaginal contraction during penetration – vaginismus.

But if you think logically, going through the body is the most effective way to address this anxiety in penetration.

In sexuality you can try to talk yourself into it but in the moment there is the body – and it reacts from conditioning, habit, experience.

Working with the body through Tantric massage:
– Your body receives profound healing from real positive experience
– Your body builds up positive memories and trust
– Your body reconditions to a natural positive response
– You gain control over your mind and responses in real practice

Working with direct responses of body and mind this is a profound transformation and healing. You become someone different, it’s not just reading or hearing an idea.

I have a lot of experience helping clients with this particular problem of vaginismus. I have a well tested method and process to work with this problem.

Generally, this has been a powerful and effective remedy and I have had a high rate of success.

How my consultations can help you deal with vaginismus

When you work with this instinctive contraction of your body during sex there is no substitute to reconditioning it through direct experience int he body.

However, if this is too much out of your comfort zone, you can choose to have a consultation appointment with me instead. I can give advice on what you can do at home on your own to deal with your particular difficulties.

As the next step please give me a call to discuss your problem, at no commitment. As with any healing process it is important to understand your specific situation and which solutions may work for you. I will be able to explain a remedy that would fit you in particular.


I make it clear that I am not a qualified and accredited sex therapist.

In the UK the formal definition of a sex therapist is that of being a medical professional or a psychotherapist. These therapists are not allowed physical contact with a client.

I have explained why these approaches are limited for many people with sex problems, while they are very helpful for some.

I provide solution and / or improvement through an alternative approach to sex therapy that is explicitly based in the client being touched in a sexual / sensual way as a guided and educational experience. I do not use bodyworks that involve non-sexual touch, nor do I provide talking therapy. I make it clear that it is not accredited as conventional sex therapy.

My approach rests on giving you a safe and supportive environment to learn about a positive sexual approach and receive a healing effect from this journey.

I don’t treat medical conditions or psychological disorders. If you are in need of this kind of treatment, you have to see a qualified professional in those areas.

However, you are welcome to work with me in combination with those professionals to support your work.


I understand that this is a big step and you are anxious. It is also hard to decide it on your own whether the Tantric massage is right for you and how it would work – because you don’t know much about this.

I would be very happy to set up a free 20-30 minute phone call where we can talk it through – at no commitment.

All I ask is that you first send me some details on your situation and what you wanted to see me about, so I can see whether I can help. I would also need to send you some info on how I currently work, and if you are ok with that I will then be happy to set up a time for us to talk.

This way you can explore the possibility without anything to lose or to risk and then you can decide if it is right for you.

Remember that you can also start with online consultations, and then progress to Tantric massage from there.

Get in touch