Sex can be different things, depending of the vision you have for it and what you make of it.
In its basic primitive form, which many people still live, it can be a biological, animal, instinctive urge that takes us over. Sometimes it takes us to heights of pleasure, sometimes it is a turbulent and torturous ordeal that drives us to losing our minds and our consciousness. Indeed, sometimes sexual feelings can drag us out of our place of peace and make us wish they didn’t exist.
Throughout history, people observed that basic volatile sexuality in their cultures, which often caused harm. Sex was always something quite threatening, something that people found difficult to control in its force, and often that force would drive people towards destructive consequences.
Most religions, seeing this threat, fought with this aspect of human nature because, from their perspective, they were trying to drive people to be better versions of themselves, and so religions have always done all they could to steer people away from this seemingly dark side of human existence.
In some cultures it was controlled violently, through fear and repression. In others, people were gently recommended to channel their energy elsewhere. Today in a more liberal age religions often try to create a moral influence, treating sexual attraction as something to be cautious with.
And even the newer and more commercial spiritual movements often look down on sex as something you’d better stay clear of if you want to grow spiritually. At the very least, they will accept it but usually recommend as doing it as part of spiritual practice, as you would use an old cloth to clean a sink. Even Osho, the person known for promoting liberation of sexuality, proposed that the aim of having conscious sex is to eventually grow beyond sex, i.e. to not need it.
The reason this state of conflict was created is because, while it is true that basic and primitive sexuality can cause harm, cultures took an ineffective route to solving this problem. Instead of learning how to develop sexuality into a more positive force, they chose to control it with prohibition – and sex is too powerful to be controlled this way, so this escalated the conflict.
There is also another side to sex – it has been explored in the Tantric and Taoist cultures, and it has been spontaneously experienced by many people all over the world when they are in the right state of mind.
As humans, we do not have to limit ourselves to the animal urges of sex, we can take that energy and make something much bigger and more positive out of it. Instead of being a slave of this power or running from it, we can treat these energies with respect, learn about them – and learn to channel them to turn them from an uncontrollable animal instinct to a truly positive part of our human energies, and a noble human expression.
When we befriend sexual energy we have the potential to turn it from a powerful enemy into a powerful friend. It can be a very potent energy in our lives, nourishing our body, heart and soul, empowering and revitalising us, and feeding our relationships with respect, love and affection.
Greed, obsession, selfishness, destructiveness, anger, fear, turmoil, suffering that may come up in our sex lives – they all come from our disconnectedness and disrespect of sexual energy, from our reluctance to connect with that energy with the open mind of a learner.
By taking a journey of learning sexual energy can become about generosity, compassion, love, spiritual growth, inner peace, depth, creativity.
This positive force makes us into better human beings. It beautifies our hearts, creates love and lets us radiate it to others. It brings us wellbeing and deeply spiritual states. And the pleasure is not just for satisfying our requests – it is the very experience of the beauty and vibrance of life, created by us.
Sexual energy is the divine life force that flows through generations of humans, it is the creative drive of our race. Profound sexual connection is one of the most spiritual experiences we can have, giving us a sense of completeness and bridging the divide between us and the beauty of life.
Unfortunately this is the opportunity that most religions missed in their time. There was a crossroads where a decision was made – to develop sexuality into a higher human art, or to deal with it by suppression and prohibition without engaging with it. That choice is the reason why sex remained destructive, and religions could reasonably justify why sex is a problem.
There is nothing in this enlightened dimension of sex that is incompatible with any of the religions. It doesn’t propagate promiscuity or sexual gluttony, it just creates greater love between people who are already together, and it brings in more of the divine qualities to them, if the desire is channelled right not to be tormenting or destructive. Any Muslim, Christian, Jew or Buddhist could walk their spiritual path in greater divinity when nourished by this engine of love, balance and happiness.
However, only the Tantric and Taoist cultures have ever tried to help people to connect with sexual energy in the way that is beneficial to personal growth. Most other religions alienated it. Perhaps it was a necessity in the simpler times. Perhaps it was an easy way out. But as we grow and evolve, the time is coming for us to reintegrate with it, otherwise it will hold us back. Repression can not eradicate this integral aspect of human being and it simply created persistent conflict. Sexual energy has always burst out from repression uncomfortably, often as sexual deviation, and it always will as long as it is not befriended.
Sexual energy can be a powerful friend or a powerful enemy. It is our choice to make, but whatever we choose we have to reckon with the fact that this is a major force in a human being and simply ignoring it we won’t be able to brush it away.
You can connect with this higher dimension of sexuality by learning Tantric sexuality in coaching sessions. You can take this journey with your partner, or you can take this journey by yourself by booking an experience of Tantric massage with me in London and the healing Yoni massage that I also offer in London.