A woman may have a general feeling that some sort of therapy is needed for the healing of the vagina. This article explains why you may have the need for vaginal healing, the different therapy options you may encounter and what an effective healing therapy for the vagina should involve.
Signs that you need vaginal healing
Normally there are several common reasons women identify when they feel they need some sort of therapy for healing the vagina.
Some women have pains during penetration.
Some women experience a disconnect, numbness and lack of sensation.
Some women describe a strange experiences of a block or heaviness in that area.
Sometimes the reaction is mainly emotional – as soon as the vagina is involved you experience difficult feeling like anxiety, anger or discomfort.
Causes that lead to the need for healing the vagina
First thing to understand is that the vagina is a holistic place. It is not just a physical organ which you rub to stimulate it.
The vagina feels, it reacts emotionally, it feels your partner’s love or aggression, it opens in trust or retreats in fear. Often, it is this emotional and psychological wellbeing of the vagina that creates blocks and your poor experience in sex.
So how do women arrive to experience the need for healing the vagina?
Some women will have a strong traumatic even which will traumatise the vagina deeply and create all sorts of negative reaction, from pain to numbness.
Other women may have a more low-key but consistent negative impact that will lead you to needing vaginal healing – long-term bad sex with a stable partner or multiple disappointing experiences. Every time the woman has vaginal sex in a way that’s unfulfilling, disconnected or unloving, the vagina feels more and more ‘upset and disappointed’ and can start shutting down.
Particularly damaging is a relationship with negative and turbulent emotions towards each other where you continue having sex. The vagina experiences sex in your state of rejection, frustration, anger or upset and this creates a consistent negative reaction that becomes a pattern and may persist even when you are in a new, loving relationship.
Some women never even have negative experiences as such. But there may be a culturally absorbed vision of sex as something negative, shameful or threatening and this will translate into the vagina that needs healing before you even start your sex life.
Options for vaginal healing
A holistic approach to healing the vagina is very hard to find in our culture. Medicine will look at vaginal problems as an assessment of anatomical and physiological problems and will often find nothing wrong with you from that perspective.
Your own feeling also is not that you need medical treatment, and some sort of deeper healing of your experience in the vagina is needed.
In some cases there are medical conditions or scar tissue that may cause you trouble in sex. It is essential that you treat this with proper professional help and don’t look for ‘alternative’ remedies to a very physical or medical problem.
Where the problem is not so much physical, these remedies are often helpless. Maybe you’ll get told to light some candles and put some music on or take a bath before sex, ‘to help you relax’.
In the absence of established solutions, women look towards new alternative ideas of therapies to provide vaginal healing. But there too you can get promises that don’t understand fully how the vagina feels, gets hurt and gets healed, and you need to exercise common sense.
Why focusing on physical tissues doesn’t work
Recently, one of the popular alternative therapy approaches to heal the vagina has been some sort of vaginal massage.
However the vaginal healing has been defined as a mostly physical massage of the tissues of the vagina.
Some yoni massages (not all) are presented as breaking down the physical tissues of the vagina to improve your experience. Or the proposition is that emotional trauma is stored as physical tissue and this gets broken down.
Sometimes it is called ‘dearmouring’ – but the idea is the same – to break down some hardened tissues to release emotional trauma.
This may work if you have a physical obstruction that causes pain, such as scar tissue.
Otherwise, it is simplistic to imagine that your trauma is stored as a physical deposit and will break down with a massage.
Your trauma is in your feelings – how you see sex in the moment of penetration, how you feel it, how you are afraid of it or open to it, how it feels mechanical or loving. How you feel free and connected or restricted and on guard. All of this manifests in how your vagina feels during sex.
None of this can be corrected by giving classic massage therapy to the vagina as a piece of flesh. At best sometimes you can increase some physical sensation but it doesn’t resolve the underlying deeper need to heal your relationship with sex and the vagina, and your experience of yourself in it.
Massaging vaginal muscles can’t make you feel more loving, more connected, more open, more trusting, more surrendering and more loved in sex. And this is where your vaginal healing ultimately lies.
Why focusing only on the vagina doesn’t work
Another problem with current propositions is that the vagina is seen as some sort of isolated physical place where you need to apply a healing procedure, and then you will have amazing sex, orgasms, and fulfilling relationships.
This is believing in mythology. Sex is about you, not about your vagina.
Often women write to me asking for the Yoni massage because they heard that if we focus on the procedure for the vagina your sex life will be great.
I always reply that the Yoni massage is just a part of the Tantric massage as offered by me for London clients – which is in complex how you generally feel in your whole body, in your sexual being, how you experience sexual energy and connect with it positively.
The vagina is a very interconnected place, it doesn’t work on its own. How you will feel in your vagina depends on how awakened you get through foreplay, how relaxed you become, how present, how open, how loving and connected with your partner you are, how trusting and open with him you are. All this awakens your vagina to a greater sensitivity and feeling – or alternatively keeps it shut down.
You can’t do a procedure on the vagina and turn yourself into a free, relaxed, loving human being in sex.
How the vaginal healing needs to happen
The true healing of the vagina is more holistic than just getting an equivalent of a back massage inside the vagina.
You need to learn to connect in that place during sex. You need to learn how to create an open, receptive, relaxed and welcoming state. This is an emotional technique, not a physical one.
By creating a different connection you overcome your response of retraction, anxiety and discomfort.
You need to learn to empower your vagina with all your sexual energies – how to awaken your whole body to send that aliveness into your vagina, how to create a free and present space in yourself where you can truly make love. Then your vagina will be engaged.
And the vagina needs to receive a lot of loving touch – not a therapeutic one. Conscious, giving, loving and nourishing touch which will little by little help the vagina trust, open and engage.
Then the vagina will open its energies and you will experience the healing.
This is why I do a professional Yoni massage in my London Tantric Therapy studio – to help you learn and practice these approaches, and to receive these positive and healing experiences that will help your vagina to trust.
A direct experience of positive sexual energy in the vagina is needed. it is hard to arrive to healing by indirect ways.