Many of my female London Tantric massage clients have the impression that they are inhibited in sex, when they feel under pressure from our sexual culture.
When women want to lose their inhibitions in sex first question that has to be asked is – when you want to get rid of your inhibitions in sex, are they true inhibitions or are you experiencing pressure to go beyond what is acceptable to you as a human being.
A true inhibition in sex is when you are too shy in sex that is loving and respectful to you, and you still cant enjoy it. However, many times what happens is that you would be fine with it but you are asked to do something that isn’t attractive or meaningful or acceptable to you, e.g. anal sex, role-play, unorthodox practices.
Just because you are not up for anything doesn’t mean you have inhibitions in sex that you should strive to lose.
If it is a true inhibition in sex that you want to get rid of – are you really supposed to let go and just do whatever comes to you with total disregard to what is happening. Surely there is some equivalent of manners and grace when it comes to making love to another human being, and one can no more do whatever they want than they can say whatever they want.
One reason women feel they would like to lose inhibitions in sex is that they feel if they go totally wild it may be unattractive, so they hold back. Well, don’t go totally wild. Why should sex be wild and unconscious as opposed to graceful? People romanticize this kind of losing yourself but maybe it is no more comfortable to you overall than getting drunk and having to face the people you had gone out with the next morning. Create something that your heart truly can marvel at, something beautiful and meaningful that you can respect and value, whatever it is. Not only you won’t be self-conscious then, you will be proud of it. Tantric sex can create that kind of special Tantric lovemaking if you explore it. You can learn it through Tantric sex classes and workshops.
Another reason women often find it hard to lose their inhibitions in sex is because they are constantly evaluating themselves from the outside, how they look, how they behave. Women forget a simple important thing – sex is not about getting good marks and being presentable, it is about really getting into the moment of love with someone and enjoying that exchange. That is the purpose of it, not to come off as looking good or doing the right thing. One has to practice going deeper into the joy of the moment, so that the true meaning of sex – to be there to the full in your sexual energy – can be fulfilled and then you get rid of your inhibitions in sex automatically.
Learning principles of Tantric sex can help a lot with it. It teaches you how to connect with your body and your pleasure a lot more directly, how to feel what is happening a lot more deeply, how to flow through the sexual experience intuitively. Once you are truly in it the questions of losing your inhibitions in sex is no longer relevant, the inhibitions in sex are there only when you are evaluating yourself.