Intimate sex, or sex with intimacy, or sex with love, is normally not something we learn a lot about. There are many ways to learn about better sex through coaching and workshops – it can become more fun, more adventurous, more intense, more frequent etc. And normally, we focus on these aspects – how to make it more interesting, more new, more passionate and fun.
But often, deep inside we are still not completely happy and we have a feeling for something else. What is often missing is a feeling of intimacy, having intimate sex. Many of my Tantric massage clients in London and Tantric sex consultation clients at my London studio comment that they feel their sex life is good but they feel they miss a feeling of intimacy in sex.
This is particularly true for women – their sexual feelings are very much connected to intimacy in sex and a lot of their arousal, desire, pleasure and orgasms depend on how intimate sex is. However, feeling intimate in sex is also very enriching for a man if what a man is looking for is a meaningful love-life rather than a sex adventure with women.
First, it is important to understand what intimate sex means – it means being close emotionally, creating intimacy in sex means being with a person, not just the body, with a whole person, not just the genitals. It means that we need to pay attention to the whole person. But instead we often worry too much about just the genitals while we think we are having intimate sex. Often a bit of kissing before very genital-focused stimulation is considered intimate sex. It is not, and this is why it disappoints us.
So the first step is to really know what kind of sex we want and then to make sure that in practice we match that, we truly create sex with intimacy, and it doesn’t stay just a concept in the head.
For that we need to learn, because intimate sex is also learnable as a technique. How to make your partner feel loved with your hands is an intimate sex technique. So is how to connect your genital sexual energy to your emotional energy of love. How to make a woman feel loved in her yoni rather than just penetrated is an intimate sex technique too. There are many things to know about creating intimacy in sex and it is a matter of learning. But they are all physical techniques at the same time and it is important to learn them experientially – a Tantric massage with a Yoni massage can be a professionally-assisted way. Particular exercises or evenings dedicated to practise can be privately explored on your own.