For many people, passionate love-making is the ideal of a good sex life.
Why is this? When you think of passionate sex, what do you see? You give yourself to him totally, unconditionally, to the last drop, into oblivion, a total connection, you dissolve with him, you cease to be. Him – wanting you so much that he loses his own mind, an uncontrolled desire that means only one thing – you are irresistible. Passion is a dream of total love, dissolving in each other, total connection, being loved intensely.
But passionate sex is only one expression of this love, not the love itself. Can there be other expressions that make us feel the same way? Maybe we just haven’t tried them? Of course, passionate sex is much preferred to the usual boredom of in-out rhythmic friction while you think of England, but can you aim higher than this?
Passion is short-lived. We all know that it goes. Relying on it is putting yourself in the hands of the magic and accepting that it will go. Intensity can’t stay for long, this is the course of life. Passionate sex works on novelty if you are relying on its magic completely – so you always have to think of new kicks or new partners to rekindle it and you are never at peace. This is why passionate sex quickly becomes empty – it gives a great psychological release but beyond the first few times (with the same partner) – and occasionally later – passionate sex doesn’t give a particularly nourishing feeling. Passionate lovemaking is very hard to sustain in a long-term relationship, by nature it is the spark in the beginning and most enjoyed in casual adventures.
Believing in passionate lovemaking comes from being unaware of how it all works – if it’s there it’s there, if not it’s not.
It is strenuous, physically draining. You can’t have passionate sex if you are feeling tired or tranquil or melancholic, it can’t heal you – it needs your energy first.
In passionate sex your energy is so explosive that he won’t last and he doesn’t have time to go deep and bond with you. Relying on passion, people often end up in frustration, or in mechanical sex, or thinking that they don’t love each other any more when passion goes.
And passion can hurt because you have no understanding of where it will take you.
What if you could experience that feeling of total love, total dissolution in each other, whenever you want, irrespective of passion? What if you could always feel that love from your partner, even if he is not losing his mind – in fact feeling him being very conscious with you?
What if you didn’t need passion to feel deeply aroused and feel pleasure growing more and more in your whole body? What if the intensity of the physical pleasure of passion wasn’t a mysterious magic that comes and goes, but it was something that you have learned about – how to help it arise, how to keep it going, how not to let it dwindle, how to intensify it.
What if on the way you found out that this intensity is not the only beautiful thing you can feel – perhaps not even the best! – and you know other ways to have sex that give you just as much satisfaction on days when you don’t feel like being so passionate?
What if you didn’t have to rely on getting all you can from short-lived passion before your partner is finished, and you could instead experience these high sensations for as long as you want, as your choice?
What if you didn’t need to worry that this powerful feeling that sweeps through you will one day disappear, and instead you knew the way to it at any moment, as long as your partner is with you on this?
Passion is a spontaneous power of sexual energy beyond your understanding. But you can understand sexual energy to avoid being thrown around by magic. That starts from the base level – from tranquility, from exploring yourself in a gentle, slow, peaceful way and seeing the roots of your sexual energy, in their beginning, before they grow into something more overwhelming. Little by little you become more attuned and aware of how these energies move inside you and how you can direct them, and you explore how to keep on the higher and higher crests of those waves.
Then you have the background of well-directed and understood sexual energy. You are able to weave it this way and that way, knowing what is good for you now, today, and how to help this sexual energy rise. You know how to avoid it going somewhere that can become problematic or put an end to things. With that understanding, you can bring yourself high to the intensity of what you experience in passion – but you are no longer at its mercy, it is your own creation that you choose to make.
People look for passionate sex when they want to rekindle a problematic sex life. But at worst it’s like turning to drugs, and at best it’s like coming to a beginner’s art class and concentrating on realistic portraits immediately. True passionate lovemaking is higher mastery of your own sexual energy. It is not where your journey starts. Without a sexual confidence to be happy without high passions, without that understanding, true passionate sex remains something so unknown and overpowering that it brings just as many problems as it brings rewards. When you can feel the same depth of feeling and pleasure without relying on passion’s visits, passionate sex can become a wonderful variation that is completely in your hands – and the pleasure you get from something that you know about so well can get much better than before.
Passionate lovemaking is an important addition to any couple’s sex life, and without it things will never be as colourful. But it needs to be on good foundations and it needs to be understood – because it is not what you need every day.
By learning principles of Tantric sex through coaching in London you can gain mastery and understanding of your sexual energy to create all kinds of sex in your life, which will diversify your reliance on the magic of the passion and will help you feel a much deeper experience with your lover.
There is also the experiential option of Tantric massage in my London studio for women only and healing and empowering Yoni massage, which can teach you how your sexual energy can beautifully unfold and flow without relying on the intense stimulus of passion, yet keep you much more deeply nourished and fulfilled than passionate sex.