Tantric sex is a vision of a new kind of lovemaking. It does not deprive you of the pleasures you already have, and you don’t need to be an accomplished yogi – Tantric sex simply opens that wonderful sexual dimension for you more.
Ask yourself – why do you have sex? What is it for?
Some will say it is a biological need. You go without intercourse for a while, then your bodily systems start getting tense and they program you to release this tension. You shake it off like a morning defecation and you feel nice and normal again, until the next time. So sex is there because we are programmed to have it and if we don’t for a while we feel unwell.
Others, more commonly, see it as one of the pleasures that life offers, like a night out or a nice dessert. It is fun for adults and it is a button you press to get a hit of pleasure. Normally, this kind of sex involves doing a particular well-polished routine to arrive by particular stimulation to squeeze that pleasure out. For one second it is a fantastic feeling and when you are ready you will work for another one, when you feel like it. It’s like opening the fridge and getting that chocolate pudding. It doesn’t particularly affect your relationship beyond that – unless you have complaints against your partner in how well that pleasure was delivered. In fact, it often has so little bonding effect that many couples stop having sex – why do so much work for a second of pleasure when you can get many more from a chocolate pudding in the fridge?
Some have sex in their search for validation. Or they want to be together and sex has to be had to keep the other happy. Everyone learns about better sex so to stay in the game you should too. If you are not happy in sex it makes you worse than others. If you are not wanted it makes you feel bad so you try to give good sex to feel wanted.
The Tantric vision of making love gives us something much bigger than this. As humans, we are not limited to just following primal urges, we are equipped with a beautifully rich body and a free mind and we can venture into something much more creative.
In Tantric sex vision lovemaking is something incredibly influential and positive. Man and woman unite not just to rub against each other to cause that feeble spark of pleasure at the end and to have the urge leave them in peace for a while. Man and woman combine because they are half of the whole, they are meant to be united, they feel a state of perfection when they are together. Your whole being is drawn to each other in Tantric sex, it is meant to be a full circle and when your connection is poor but you have managed to connect completely, you get this ecstatic feeling that you are complete and this moment is perfect, it is the most beautiful thing you have experienced and it is worth living for.
Together, in Tantric sex you create a space just for the two of you. Tantric sex is a space full of exquisite pleasure, intense happiness, overwhelming beauty, true love for each other. You embrace in this goodness and this goodness flows all around you, all through you, you can feel this goodness with your body and every fibre of your soul. Tantric sex is like taking a perfect bath, or throwing yourself into sunshine on the beach – there is no work, no results to get, the goodness is already there and you just soak it up with every cell of your body, you melt into it in ecstasy and your mind goes blank in pleasure.
This goodness that is flowing through you right now is not imagination, it is very real. Just like blood that brings life to your body, it is your own sexual energy that has expanded and is flowing through you. If you don’t like thinking of it as bodily electricity, you can think of it as hormones, nervous impulses, positive emotions, it is all the same – it is flowing through you. It is the most positive thing that your body can experience – think about it, it is thinking that you are making a new life so it is waking up all the best of itself. This goodness literally sweeps through you, clearing everything on the way. In Tantric sex your mind gets cleansed to its sparkling state, your heart is bursting with positive emotions, your whole body gets the best biochemical workout to rejuvenate itself.
Most importantly, Tantric sex is a moment of true love. You are inside each other as close as possible, you merge into each other and every sensation is a word of love. Tantric sex is a long conversation in love. Every cell of your body gives love to your partner, and receives it back. Your heart feels like in those first days of feeling in love – large, shiny, open to the whole world. You are ecstatic to have each other, to be able to share this love with someone so deeply, you feel like the best of the human race because you are pure good and generosity. Tantric sex is the place where you go to remember, amidst all the daily life, what love is. This is the place you go to charge up with this love when daily life grinds at you.
Tantric sex is a perfect rest for your whole being to revitalise itself, it is a perfect place to breathe in the goodness of life to get energy to meet your day. Tantric sex is a perfect oasis away from the whole world just for the two of you, where everything is 100% fantastic.
Just like a bath, you don’t need to score a result, the point of Tantric sex is not to get somewhere through all this – the point is just to spend some time there and recharge together. An orgasm is just another sensation in the richness of Tantric sex but if you don’t have it you don’t suffer and you don’t care – because you feel that every moment makes you come back to life, gives you goodness to take away from it. You spend as long as you want in Tantric sex – may be an hour, maybe 10 minutes, just spend some time letting all that flow through you.
When you come out of your oasis you feel your heart throb with the deepest love that your partner has just given you. Making Tantric love like this is the strongest bond that can ever exist, because it is the most intimate act of sharing and giving. Hundreds of problems may start dissolving and you spend your day together in the gentle haze of connectedness. Your heart carries a smile for your lover. This kind of lovemaking can save marriages, can make you inseparable and make it inconceivable for you to be with someone else. And vice versa – when the sex is not what it is meant to be, when all you got out of it was a quick pleasure for your genitals, like a drug hit, it is something that can distance people, break marriages, make you wonder why you are not with someone else.
After making love like this, the world itself can take on different colours. You can feel deeper peace and joy in general. You might be more relaxed about your troubles and nicer to the people around you. You may appreciate the colours of life more and make better choices for your happiness in your life. You see things more clearly.
You may feel that to have Tantric sex like this you need to give up on “guilty pleasures” like the “animal” sex you enjoy or a naughty adventure, like you are supposed to be always virtuous and ceremonious. Not at all – you simply realise that a more superficial “fun” sex doesn’t have the potential to give you that depth of goodness. So you have it from time to time when you fancy variety and creativity, and you enjoy it even more because it gets extra richness from your sexual wisdom from that deeper sex. At other times, you feel that this “fun” sex is not going to be fulfilling for you right now, you crave deeper pleasure and happiness that a Tantric way of lovemaking can give you, this is what really feeds you, your love has a home there where you feel great, and you choose it with total willingness. You open yourself to so much pleasure in every moment of making love in the Tantric way, the pleasure is so deep that normal sex is simply pale in comparison. It is like eating McDonalds after a gourmet meal.
Everyone can learn to go into Tantric lovemaking like this. We all have the same richness in our minds, hearts and bodies, no one is missing any of it. It is just a question of patiently learning to take step after step into this wonderful Tantric space, until you can walk into it effortlessly any time you want.
Learning Tantric sex is just like anything else – anyone can discover it with a bit of guidance and a bit of practice.
For couples I do coaching sessions and workshops, and for women the women the discovery experience of Tantric Massage (which can include a Yoni massage) is an excellent experiential way to realise this Tantric vision not just in your understanding, but in the memory and sensitivity of your body.