Why Getting a tantric massage from a man may work better for you

Woman looking into the distance, content from tantric massage

Just like in any other area, the quality and benefit of a Tantric massage for women will depend not on whether the practitioner is male or female, but on their expertise, experience and approach as a professional in this area.

However, you will yourself respond to a Tantric massage differently depending on whether it is done by a male or female practitioner.

And a Tantric massage from a male practitioner will usually work better for you.

Are you a heterosexual woman?

Then, two questions…it’s understandable you may feel nervous, shy, apprehensive, or even a negative reaction towards men… but:

1) How will you feel when touched sexually by a woman? Will you be able to naturally connect with this experience?

2) What will you achieve by being comfortable with a woman, if you are looking to develop your sexuality as a heterosexual woman?

So if you are receiving an authentic Tantric massage:

A Tantric massage wouldn’t work for you as well with a woman.

But if you are just getting some non-specific massage that is called Tantric for no particular reason, then of course it won’t matter who it is from.

I know why you think you should get a Tantric massage from a woman:

1. A man would be looking to get some sort of sexual gratification for himself rather than do it for you.

2. A woman will know better how to touch your body.

3. With a woman you will feel safer.

I will discuss all those reasons later, at the end of the article. Remember that you are new to this and you are judging from your experience with men. Hopefully I can reassure you that when receiving a genuinely professional Tantric massage things are not at all as you imagine in these 3 issues. (You can look at those answers now if you want).

But it’s better to start with why it makes more sense for a heterosexual woman to work with a male practitioner if you want to receive a Tantric massage.


Tantric Massage for women is not a counselling session

There are many ways sexuality can be addressed – psychology, Tantra workshops, counselling, educative media – where, indeed, a woman helping a woman makes sense in a “me too” way, and they work excellently if this is the path you choose to take.

If you have chosen a sensual Tantric massage, however, then it is not a lecture or a counselling session – it is about feeling real sexual energy in your body. It’s about a real sexual response in the body and out of the mind. Your practitioner guides your body and your sexual energies respond – this is how you learn and this is how you heal.

Working with a man or a woman is not only about what their intentions are – it’s also about what you will respond to on your side. It is not in your control. It is sexual energy that behaves within you naturally.

Maybe someone told you that tantric massage is pressing buttons mechanically on your body and then you will get the benefit but that person doesn’t know anything about how a woman’s sexual body works. Too many women have gone to very unprofessional practitioners that don’t do a sensual and heartfelt experience for your sexuality and who just rub your body like a machine, which will make you feel like you’ve had a terrible experience.

If you are treated with a truly alive Tantric sexual touch then your body responds – but your body normally responds a lot more when it is along your natural sexual orientation.

Why Tantric massage would work less for you with a woman

If you are mainly or exclusively heterosexual, you may have less response when working with a woman. You may not feel any significant aliveness of sexual energy when you are touched by a woman because it is not a natural experience for you.

Your body is not a machine, it’s not just about touching mechanically in certain places. There is little effect to be achieved this way. You need to feel like a woman – beautiful, sensual, sexual – in an experience that is natural to you.

You will connect with yourself as a woman more when touched by a man. It is not about the male practitioner being ‘better’ or you wanting something more. It is just the way things are for you, an organic process. You will respond a lot more to male energy if you are heterosexual. Yes, it may be exactly the same Tantric massage but just the fact that it is a man touching you will make your energy respond in a completely different, natural and powerful way, than if you are touched by a woman.

You may think that receiving a Tantric massage from a male practitioner is unnatural and uncomfortable for certain reason that mainly have to do with anxieties rather than something natural. But receiving it from a woman may feel even more unnatural for you for other reasons. Instead of receiving helpful progress in what matters – your response to male energy – you are in effect forced to explore something that’s not very relevant for you – your sexual response to women. (Again, unless gay relationships are exactly what you want to explore).

Needless to say, this only applies if you are straight. If you are gay you should receive a Tantric massage from a woman.

All in all, there seems to be a suggestion that one can do the Tantric massage for women with disregard for sexual orientation and treat sexual energy asexually. This sounds like a normal holistic relaxation massage and a variety of other therapies, and just the fact that genitals are mechanically touched doesn’t turn it into a Tantric experience.

It is understandable that women might feel nervous about going to a male therapist for a Tantric massage or a Yoni massage healing session but you also want to consider whether you want the best from your experience. It is just a case of choosing someone who seems trustworthy and genuine. You should indeed take good care in your choice and unfortunately genuine male practitioners are rare. Do exercise caution but don’t settle for an easy option that gives less benefit.

Of course there are reasons why women sometimes may believe that receiving a Tantric massage from a man is not desirable and you should choose a female instead.

Generally you may believe all or one of these three things:

1. When giving you a Tantric massage, a man would be looking to get some sort of sexual gratification for himself rather than do it for you.

It may seem logical that only a female therapist will not have some sort of own interest in touching you and will do a Tantric massage dedicated to you. And indeed, in this market there are definitely a lot of dodgy offers if you are looking at the wrong ad. Unfortunately even the more established and respectably looking practitioner can also often be found to work without integrity and following their own gratification, so your concern is very legitimate.

Whether it is a long-established practitioner or a newbie one who acts in this way, we are unfortunately talking about bad quality unprofessional Tantric massage and it shouldn’t be performed from that place. There is plenty of bad quality whether it’s with a man or a woman. You get even more ‘goddesses’ and naked ‘therapists’ in female massage parlours, than the dodgy offers from males.

A genuine male Tantric massage therapist will not make a long-term career acting from this kind of motivation without it coming to the surface soon enough, and their level of professionalism will be obvious to you from their presentation and conversation.

Men who genuinely work with female sexuality are few, but they have got there by supporting the woman in what she truly needs. They also would have completed their own journey in sexuality, grounded themselves firmly and don’t operate from the selfish and uncontrolled motivations that you may fear from your general experience with men.

By all means you should have a conversation with your potential choice to get an impression whether your needs are understood and will be focused on.


2. A woman will know better how to touch your body.

Yes it is true that many men have no clue how to touch a woman but they don’t make a career as experts in female sexuality. You are not looking for an average member of the public, you’re looking for a professional with expertise.

Just because the therapist has a female body too doesn’t mean she will be able to provide you with effective and valuable bodywork.

Women are hugely different and it takes extensive experience to see all varieties and work with them – just judging from your own body doesn’t work. If someone is able to do Tantric massage as genuine work it is not because they have a female body – it is because this person has gained a lot of experience with clients. This goes equally for men and women.

The reality that I’m not afraid to say because it’s true is that often a female practitioner may get less experience with women than a male practitioner. This is because the majority of women who offer Tantric massage to women offer it parallel to Tantric massage for men, as you will observe. The vast majority of the clientele is likely to be men, with only the minority being women. The experience with women can be less frequent than that of a male therapist who works exclusively with women. Some female therapists may have extensive experience with women but that is more of an exception than a rule.

In the end one’s expertise is not defined by their experience with their own body but by their knowledge, professionalism and experience with a variety of clients in their work.

3. With a woman you will feel safer.

It is obvious that with a woman you may feel safer. However, the purpose of the Tantric massage for women is not purely to feel safe – after all the safest place is not to venture anywhere. The purpose is to benefit and to grow. A safe environment is important but you have to consider the value and benefit of the work beyond just safety as an aim in itself.

If your challenge is to feel safe and relaxed with men, to feel more connected with your experience with men, then you will be looking for a safe and supportive environment that will help your progress in that direction. That environment is a Tantric massage from a male practitioner, not from a woman.

As a heterosexual woman you are healing and learning to equip yourself to form a healthy sexual interaction with men. An experience with a woman is completely irrelevant to this purpose. So the biggest healing, learning and the maximum response will happen when you are interacting with healthy and supportive male energy.



It’s hard to decide it all on your own – because you don’t know much about this. I can help you from my experience.

If you are not sure it’s ok – you can just discuss it with me.

Please email and tell me about your reasons for wanting to see me, what you need help with. I will be happy to tell you whether I can help.

If it is something I can help with, we can set up a phone chat to discuss more in detail. I can explain to you more how my sessions would work in your case and we can discuss reassurances, safety and comfort for you.

This way you can explore the possibility without anything to lose or to risk and then you can decide if it is right for you.

Remember that you can also start with online consultations, which really helps.

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